While my dear husband is playing plumber and doing a pretty good job at tackling our waterless kitchen sink, I find myself getting all contemplative and maybe nostalgic. (i think those are good words to describe my mood) You see in just two short weeks my life is going to change. My new job will start and I will go from a relatively carefree day to day schedule to one that is based on many to-do lists, phone calls, and plunging into the unknown of directing a studio.
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited and looking forward to the challenge as it has been a while and I'm ready to dive in. It's one small detail that has me feeling a little lost...what is a modern dancer supposed to do in a ballerina world?! I love ballet (most of the time-sometimes it kicks my tail and I'd like to throw in the towel!) and being on pointe, wearing pretty tutus, and the discipline of training my body. But in all honesty...I never feel more alive than when my hair is down, my feet are bare, and I can let my heart take over. Even sitting hear thinking about it makes me want to move...to release myself from the constraints of classical ballet! I will forever endorse classical training and technique-it truly is the foundation of all dance, but when I want to feel alive, to share my heart...I wouldn't touch a pointe shoe with a 10 foot pole.
So what will I do? How will I find a way to not only dance myself, but create/choreograph as well in the midst of thinking about glissades, jete's, and fouettes?!
I hope you'll pardon my rant...somehow I needed to let my thoughts out so that in the next 15 minutes when I am trying to fall asleep, I won't be laying there thinking all these thoughts and getting myself worked up into something that can't be changed at 11pm. (that already happened once this week)
Ultimately it comes down to trust...God provided this job, this opportunity and He know me best. In that I find peace and will have to actively, day-to-day, depend on Him for this area and then take the chances He gives me when they come. sigh. I think I'll try to sleep now...put these thoughts to rest for today. goodnight
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Well, darling. The way you feel about dance is the way I feel about singing...all for the Lord. I bust it out in the car (when I don't do it at church) and you can bust it out early in the morning in the studio before classes begin. I'm sure God wouldn't mind to see you dancing like little dust particles in sunlight.
ReplyDeleteAnd this is YOUR blog, so I'm thinking... you can vent/pour/share/etc. whatever and whenever you want.